Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this boner is exhausting
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
