You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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