I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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