Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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