Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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