Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
