i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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