I think i sorta joined a cult last night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
