In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
