Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
