I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
now i know why i became what i already was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can I color on your dick again?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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