Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
