I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
