I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
