I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
