So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
