Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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