Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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