I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
