You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
