Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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