Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
