Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
NoShamevember. You game?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
