My underwear smells like fireworks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
