he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
