just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My ass is underappreciated
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
