i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm at about main and main street
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
