i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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