you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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