Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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