No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
