Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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