You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
