he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
