How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
