I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
