i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
