idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
