You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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