I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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