Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
