Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
