everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
