also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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