this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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