Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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