This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
