yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize