i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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