I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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