shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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