I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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