hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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