Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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