This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Randomize
