how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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