It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
