he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
