Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
