Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's shark week go big or go home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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