There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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