I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
