i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
