8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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