I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
